I played hockey from age 6 to 16 from 1966 to 1976. I played in Mckenzie league up north, rough hockey and with poor quality helmets. In practice at each goal line, we skated full speed with contact center ice, if one chickened out slowing down, chased by team and slapped back of legs with a stick.
At ages 15-17 in high school football, they lined us up 30 feet apart, threw the ball to one guy, full contact between two rolled gym bags a few feet apart, again, no protection helmets. Hitting head first every practice. If one slowed down we ran a gauntlet.
At age 13 in the 70s, my father threw me a long high pass football, at full speed I finger tip caught the ball, hit a street pole head first. I was told I bounced back 6 feet off pole, knocked out. I woke up, saw my father’s big work boots, he picked me up, rubbed my head, told me I was fine, walked home, forgotten about.
In 1976, at general skating, kids jacking around took my legs out from behind me, went full weight back head. I got up slowly and barely made it to the bleachers. Again, [was told to] suck it up.
Had a few falls off scaffold[ing] in the stucco business. Worst was falling 10 feet head first into a basement doing drywall estimate in 1998, no rails around the 8x8ft hole. Hit ladder rungs on the way down. Broke my hand, torn ligaments in my other hand. My 7 year old son was on top, I worried about him falling, got up, and the customer took me to the local hospital.
I was in shock, throwing up, then the staff let me get up, walking around. They did xray, thought my neck was broken, could not find a neck brace, finally got one, put me on an air ambulance to Saskatoon.
Saskatoon hospital casted my arm, CT scan showed no neck break. I demanded to go home. Got home, walked in pain daily, every step hurt, back to work in 3 weeks stuccoing.
Prior to this fall, for 13 years of marriage I had anger and anxiety issues from previous concussions, mental issues undiagnosed from concussions. For a month after the basement fall, my wife said I was the nicest guy as I worked hard to heal.
Then a great darkness and anger came over me, anxiety so bad I could not go in stores, (had anxiety before, nothing like this, same with anger) had to fight to get the nerve to do estimates. Missed out on children’s events. Ticking time bomb in anger.
Wife put up with me til 2016, left me. Worst 4 months [of my] life. Finally I had motivation to get help. Tough love was the only way I was going to do the right thing. I now wish my wife would have left me 25 years earlier. I destroyed her, my son’s, all family, decades none of us get back.
I will never forgive myself or use my physical brain damage as an excuse or crutch. Yes my physical brain damage gave me such anxiety I could not got to the doctor for physicals, dentists, or shrink. My wife leaving me saved my life, I had high BP [blood pressure] with brain and aortic aneurism. My temper was uncontrollable, could not stop. In my state I was KING, full control due to fear of loved ones who were scared of me, I was a monster who thrived off that power . But a little voice was always in my head, “I need help”. I blame myself for not getting it.
What are some things that have helped you throughout the recovery journey?
Shrink told my wife and I that I had no “mental condition” like bipolar etc. My wife got upset, arguing I had to be mentally ill. Shrink said my condition came from a physical brain issue, he suspected brain damage. He told me to take an EMP* and ordered a CT scan. Brain damage and aneurism found in the brain. I also talked to the EMP consultant on the EMP help line, she explained to me that all my anger and anxiety was due to brain damage. My symptoms are classic. She told me to keep taking what I need in EMP, BUT the day would come that I would no longer need it. She said the chelated nutrients in EMP were going directly to my brain and healing the brain damage. She said as time goes on I would need less and less EMP to the point I would stop using it. I never believed her at the time. By 2019 I was completely off EMP, brain damage cured, taking EMP was then moot point, all symptoms gone.
*Please note: within the context of the story, Brain Injury Canada cannot confirm what EMP stands for. We do not make any medical claims or provide recommendations/endorsements. Recovery is different for anyone, and the methods and language used in this story around brain injury and recovery is specific to this person and what they submitted. All medical questions should be directed to a doctor or other medical specialist.
If you could go back to when you first acquired your brain injury and tell yourself one thing, what would that be?
I am not a caregiver, nor am I associated with EMP, I only took it as treatment. What I tell myself is if I ever have another concussion: “DEAL WITH IT. [Get a] brain scan, take EMP.” I say to people: “if someone has had a hard hit to the head, behaviour turns bad, DEAL WITH IT, GET HELP. Many injured and their families suffer long term hell due to undiagnosed brain damage, everyone suffers.
